Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My penis needs a shock collar
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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