There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
