I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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