my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
