Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
