New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
