I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
