3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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