just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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