I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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