and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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