thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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