Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
