we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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