I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
