Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
