please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
