i permit you to call me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
