I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
