Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
