I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
