I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
