I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
