Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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