I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
