Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
