***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
