who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
