this beer tastes like vomit already
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
