I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
