I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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