sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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