i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
