the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
