3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
