just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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