Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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