I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
