Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
