she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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