Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
