So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
