my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
