I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
