Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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