I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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