Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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