there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
