the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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