their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
