Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
